Dear body freedom supporters,

From now on it is illegal to own a cock in San Francisco. If you happen to own one you better hide it real good because if the Cock Police find out you will end up in jail for a year in the same prison cell with other cock criminals like yourself.

The Cock Police have been cracking down on cock-owners and cock-users real hard, and I mean real, real hard. Pretty soon our city will be completely cock-free. Supervisor Scott Cox will soon be the only one in this town to own a cock. Don’t get mad!

He is allowed to own a cock because he is a politician and politicians are supposed to be hypocritical and corrupt according to the Webster’s Dictionary definition: look it up.

Supervisor Scott Cox has been accused by cock-worshippers that his legislation is overbroad. His response: “No, my legislation is not overbroad because it does not criminalize broads since broads have vaginas, not cocks.”

Here is a short list of items that will be illegal in San Francisco under the new anti-cock legislation:

Cocks, cock rings, cocktails, cockroaches, cockpits, as well as dicks and dictionaries.

Exceptions will be made for dictators and dictatorships.

While cock worshippers, cock owners and cock users will be jailed, there is still one form of political speech that is legal under the new legislation. You can still be a cock sucker.

Corporate cock suckers will be elevated to the highest levels of government. So really we should be grateful for this new opportunity given to us by Scott Cox and the Broad of Supervisors. Corporate cock sucking and ass kissing are still legal and in high demand at the City Hall.

But those of us who don’t practice corporate cock sucking demand an amendment to the anti-cock legislation. We believe that cocks should only be made illegal if they get out of hand. Exceptions should be made for responsible cock owners who always keep their hands on their cocks to prevent them from getting out of hand. Sometimes it can be a struggle. But as long as the struggle is an honest attempt to keep your cock out of trouble anti-cock legislation should not apply.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s not forget that we all have unalienable rights guaranteed to us by the Dick….uuuhhh.. the Dicklaration of Independence: Life, Libido and the Pursuit of Happenis!